I’m sorry but how did this pile of auditory manure get to no 1? Oh why are you no longer here Amy Winehouse? You had more talent in your little finger than Cher Lloyd will ever have.

It’s about bloody time that ‘real’ women were put right at the forefront of fashion and for once Vogue Italia have grown a pair and put three on their cover, Tara Lynn, Candice Huffine and Robyn Lawley. OK so it’ll probably not happen again for another two years but it’s a start.

Oh, and Daisy Lowe, please stop bleating about how you feel fat next to other models! We would all die to be as ‘fat’ as you!

I learned an important lesson today. As the grand piano which has been part of my life for 40 years left the house to go off to be auctioned, I had to let go of a rather large piece of emotional clutter. How can I call a beautiful musical instrument a piece of clutter? True it was a difficult label to use, but I believe that is what it was.

The piano represented both positives and negatives in my life. Positives, in that it represented hours of pleasure and reminded me very much of my beloved parents, from whom I inherited it. Negatives, in that it represented hours of grudging practice and reminded me of my father’s pressure to always play better…better…better.

It looked beautiful and I was proud to inherit it – yet by now I felt as if it was daring me to play it, and I was actually becoming sadly resentful of its presence. So just like any other item of sentimental value kept long beyond its usefulness, I reluctantly decided to let it go.

Now that I have, so that someone else can have the chance to play it and get pleasure from it, I feel a weight has been lifted. So the lesson here is that no matter how hard it seems, letting go is sometimes the only path to take. I will always cherish the memories wrapped up in my piano, but it needs to be loved, played, and used, and not preserved in aspic.

Read more on decluttering your life here and here

Madonna’s one, so are Simon Cowell, Demi Moore, Elle Macpherson and Sarah Jessica Parker. I think I am one too. The Amortals – those of us who refuse to accept the ageing process and, ultimately, death. We act our shoe size, not our age, take pride in the phrase ‘mutton dressed as lamb’, and engage in pursuits conventionally restricted to teenagers, 20- and 30- somethings.

We simply cannot accept the fact that one day we won’t be here, and that one day we will be O-L-D. (Blimey that took a lot to write down!)

We don’t look at our wardrobes and think ‘hmmm…maybe it’s time I stopped wearing miniskirts/jeans/high heels.’

We wear our hair long and don’t think twice about dying it – I’m going red tomorrow, and can’t wait!

OK so we’ll get the shock of a lifetime when our denial finally catches up with us, but until then, I’ll still be playing Quake II and thinking about where to get my first tattoo.

Ooh controversial! But it was rather enjoyable when all is said and done, wasn’t it? ESPECIALLY the comedy value of Princess Beatrice’s Philip Treacy hat. Seriously, what was going through that girl’s head when she was scouring the hat shops? Or is Buckingham Palace missing one of its plaster mouldings? And Beatrice wasn’t the only one whose wardrobe malfunctioned. Just how Victoria Beckham’s and Tara Palmer Tomkinson’s hats didn’t fall off their foreheads defies logic. What next, a hat which clings to the cheek or hangs under the chin?

All bitchiness aside there were some stunning outfits, not least of which was that worn by Pippa Middleton, who almost outshone the bride. Her mother, Carole, too, radiated understated elegance in a Catherine Walker (had to get THAT one in!) outfit. That is one good looking family. When I saw the Queen’s yellow ensemble, however, I couldn’t help thinking of Easter chicks and daffodils!

All in all, a hugely enjoyable day spent in front of the telly, Pimms and Bucks Fizz close at hand, and the bitchometer flying off the scale!

I have only one word.

WHY?